Still holding my breath...

I don't know why the wait is still so hard.  You think with the decision to stick, there'd be some peace.  But I keep getting my hopes up.  I have been following the referrals from China.  There was a big batch last month and rumors of a big batch again this month.  Not like before the slow down big, but bigger than in the last 6 months.  Instead referrals seems to be being held due to swine flu.  That is the rumor anyway.  Nothing official is being said, the referrals are just later than usual.  It's harrowing.  Last week I was looking at children's books about adopttion again and thinking about my daughter.  Today my boy played with a little girl and her baby sister at the playground.  He held the toddler going down the slide (with her mother's help).  It was so bitter-sweet watching them.