Click on the pics to to enlarge. These are DS at his preschool Christmas mini-pagent, on Christmas morning and later Christmas evening with some of the family. He's the tallest in his preschool. There's another boy in the other class, who's close, but a year older. My poor sweetie. Sometimes people expect more of him because they think he's older. We sure will miss his teacher MB, but are glad to have gotten MM for the rest of the school year.
No better meal in the world than "The Full Irish" breakfast. Mmmmm. With Brown Bread on the side. But Steele Cut Oats are a good third. Second would be our local breakfast joint, or Nookies in Chicago, equally. My guilty semi-secret: My sister and I have met there for breakfast a few times while my boy is in preschool. I love breakfats. I mean breakfast. I have gotten my dairy fix there, safely away from my DS. If you can't have The Full Irish, or a nice cheesy omlet- Steele Cut Oats are tremendous. I got so excited when I saw them in Trader Joe's that I bought them without reading the cooking directions and they are the slow cooking sort. I know McCann's makes the quick kind, but it's $5-6. And I still need quick cooking rolled oats to bake with- so I've gotten it maybe twice in 6 yrs. I cooked them tonight while DH & I watched a movie. Slow simmered for 45 min. This just doesn't work for our household in the morning. DS is HUNGRY when he wakes up. Plus I just can't leave a crock-pot on overnight while I am sleeping in the house with it. If we lived on a farm, and had morning chores before breakfast, simmering would work. And probably taste even better afterwards. I had just a spoonful to test them: so good! I like them made with milk, whole milk preferably. Obviously can't do that anymore. I don't mind if the oats are cooked with water if they have cream poured over them. But the only soy cream I've found tasted like a plant. Like drinking liquid lawn. So I made them with 2 parts water to 1 part Rice Milk to 1 part Soy Milk. Rice milk is almost water, but I am not supposed to eat much soy. And my nephew should have none. Best not get too attached, the way things go around here.
So I am slow-cooking breakfast ahead, doing crafts, watching a Chinese movie (The long road home), doing extra cleaning (now the house smells faintly of bleach and my floors are shining), making lists and plans for everything I can think of--- all to keep busy. Our agency is without power for at least another day. I have to assume the Beijing office would fax them if they had a question about our dossier. Would they call me with their one open line, or is that the fax line? Maybe these things are not as urgent as they are made out to be? Who knows. I hope they do have a sense of urgency, actually, because I have heard that families dossiers are now taken out of "line" when they have questions. As slow as things are going now, this could mean months added to our wait. Still better to wait than to loose the chance. (Lord hear our prayer)
We are taking DS, and nephew hopefully, to the Air Force Museum tomorrow. It's too sad to read the POW stories. However, I am intrigued by the ingenuity of those who made their own simple tools from common objects. The kids always like it there. We walk a lot, and DS runs in the hangers. We will be right by my old Training Center. Can't help but think about those days. Some of the best and worst of my life. Had I not taken that career path, I couldv'e gotten pregnant again. But, I wouldn't have become a medic if I didn't have to for the job. Have to remind myself how important that training is to my son, when I'm feeling blue. It was worth it, even now, for him. We just never know what the big plan is, do we?
So I am trying to keep busy. We took down all the Christmas decorations. I just hate to throw away Christmas Cards. I really enjoy them. But saving them gets messy and takes up space. So I decided to just save a few and make Gift Tags for next Christmas. I started out tracing a circle, but thought to use my Christmas Cookie Cutters. They turned out so nice, I made Christmas Cards for next year. This is a great craft for Kids. Even little ones, like my dear son, can do the glue. And they weren't as time consuming as stamping, with good result. I found that they do need heavy (Cardstock) paper, or else the card warps. If you prefer store-bought Cards, these are perfect for the kid's Thank You Notes. (I believe the child should put some effort into the Thank You Note, at any age.) I am not saying this is original. I've tried to re-use my cards in crafts many times, but this is the first time I was really excited about the results. Here are some:
Either scissors or Exacto Knife and Cutting Pad (I used scissors)
Old Christmas Cards
Ballpoint pen
Cardstock cut and folded to 4 1/4 " x 5 1/2" card (half a sheet)
Invitation Envelopes (I bought a box of 250 from Staples years ago for $5)
Glue or double sided tape (I used glue)
Christmas shaped Cookie Cutters or cardboard templates of shapes
(You could print spme shapes and trace them on to heavy cardboard and use it instead)
String or Ribbon for Gift Tags
paper hole punch (optional)
Pattern scissors (optional)
Just place your template or cookie cutter over any interesting part of the card: a picture, a design, writing, even solid colors to make a pattern. (My red, white and green stocking card came from three different cards.) Trace and cut them out. Then glue them to cardstock or pierce/punch them for tags. A shaped punch would be really cute. So are scissors that make a patterned edge. If you want to take it further you can glitter them, stamp them or whatever you like.
You can sometimes get several from the same card. Aunt C sent us a cute card with the kids on it, and I put one of these on several white silhouette of Angels, Gingerbread Men and Snowmen. A pattern that matches the pic is cute: like the baby in the snowman costume (one of my favorite cards) cut out in the snowman shape. I did a tree like this, too. I hope you have as much fun as we did!
I am out of my head with worry over questions from the Review Room and our agency not being able to reach us. I now check the caller ID, in case I didn't hear the ringer and our cells were off. Crazy. So I found this on an another Pre-Adoptive Parent's (PAP) website and had to share.
Wait
By Ruby Miller
Desperately, helplessly, longing, I cried:
Quietly, patiently,my God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
As the Master so gently said,"Child, you must wait!".
"Wait? You say wait?," my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers,I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance,and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes'...a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask,and we shall receive.
And now I wonder, do You hear my cry?
I'm weary of asking, I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait.";
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?'
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
As He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
"I could give you what you seek, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint,
You'd not now the power that I give to the faint;
"You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair,
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there,
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
"You'd never experience that fullness of love
as the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You'd know that I give and I save...for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart,
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
of an infinite God, who makes resources LAST.
You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that "My grace is sufficient for Thee."
I could make every prayer that you've prayed come true
But, oh, the loss, if you lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My Child,and in time you will see,
That the greatest of gifts is getting to know Me."
Even though My answers might seem to be late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."
So I am still waiting for Diana Walstad's book regarding the Natural Planted Tank. Why? Well, because I'm an addict. (The first step is admitting I have a problem). A book addict. I simply couldn't afford my addiction. I have even passed it on to my son. He shows all of the early signs: needing a new books at nap and bed time, always wanting 'Just one more! Just one more ppplllleeeaaassee!' Seriously, I probably do have an addiction as defined clinacally, but it would be food. Reading is a passion. I like to learn new things. I need the occasional escape into blissful fiction. So because we can't buy every book I must read we have relationships with libraries (plural). The best one is from a large branched library from the city we moved out of; they have a small branch close to DS's preschool. They get all the new stuff, including kid videos, I can reserve online, they have an excellent search on their site and the checkout time is 2 weeks with a 50 item limit. We've come close to that with all of DS's books, my books and family videos. I cancelled our Blockbuster membership some months ago as another way to save for the adoption, so we watch what we can get there. I go to the library at least once a week, usually twice.
So I still haven't read the Walstad book. And I need answers! Yes, I'm cheap. But I also believe in supporting authors. After all, we want them to keep supplying our addiction- I mean reading hobby. So, I sent a small donation to the excellent Library and told them that they were missing this educational book. They responded back that they'd order it and put my name down to reserve it, for when it comes. They actually have a department for such requests, as I found out when I just HAD to read Julie Czerneda's next book. They are happy to order what people want to read. So I have requested again. Since they are so good about this, I felt I should send something, even if it was small. I know it would help the authors more if everyone bought their own copy, but this is the best I can do sometimes. And it beats buying used, in that respect. If I can't live without a book I ask for it for Xmas, BDay or Anniversary. DH knows this and has wrapped a few McCaffrey's. I am really liking my NPTs, so I may be asking for a copy of my own.
I just finished Anne & Todd (Johnson) McCaffrey's new book. So sad that she is writing less, but happy that he is taking the reins. Nicely too. I loved Dragon Harper. I have a nearly complete McCaffrey collection. Missing about 6 books. I need to buy the last two with Todd, when they hit paperback, and a few 'Acorna's. I want to give the collection to my kids one day. That's how much her work meant to me growing up. So yes, I'm addicted. I considered the new Pern book to be my Christmas vacation. Only it was way too short.
We have had a very good Christmas. I wasn't able to do everything I wanted, but it was full, indeed. We only made the one batch of cookies and regret not giving them to our neighbors across the road, this year. But we went and got a half price children's museum membership with three families that we know. Our boy got to visit with his friends there, and see the annual Christmas trains display. He loved that. Then the next night we went to the local zoo for their big Christmas hoorah, and he road a 30m train ride there. Yes, we do have Christmas pics, and maybe a few videos, but I am waiting for my Dear Husband to post them. Sharing a camera is hard. Especially sharing a camera with a photographer. There's actually very little sharing. But some great pictures, on his part. We exchanged presents with family members who live here. Really, we adults don't exchange. Everybody gets the kids presents, and they like that just fine. We don't do a lot of presents, comparatively. DS got Batman Crocs because my Aunt sent him some money. Now I know this was a waste of money, but he'll get as much joy out of them as a toy, or more. He wore out his croc-like shoes last year. He preferred them. So now he has the camouflage croc-like ones and the Batman ones. He got a Thomas 'laptop' game, a Clifford game for the real computer, a kids digital camera, moon sand, Harold the Helicopter, and 4 books from us and a race car set and two more shake-n-go cars and an amusement park membership from family. He actually got more presents from his Aunts, but I can't remember them all: stuffed animals, clothes, games, a tub-coloring set which he loved. We were worried about this one, because he still has a problem with some perfumy products, but it was mostly bath salts and fine. He was tickled...purple. We'd been saving the Thomas game. I bought it online for $10 less than Walmart, and got free shipping and a coupon, with the Harold Helicopter and a Thomas shirt, before we did the Day Out with Thomas this year. Their prices are high in the gift-shop, but the event pays for the local high-school after prom event. It's a safe place for the teens to have a party after their big prom. Plus he wore the shirt to ride the train. We were going to save some of it for his birthday, but decided to give him the big gifts for Christmas, since he's going to have a B-Day party this year. So for his birthday, he'll get another computer game, a stuffed animal two character plates, and some more play-food for his cooking set. He was talking about his Birthday today, and I had to laugh. He's spoiled, but not a brat. His teacher pulled me aside to tell me the story of how all the kids at his preschool Christmas part were going crazy opening their book presents, and DS went right over to his classmate who gave him the book and said, "Thank you." She said he was the only one who did so without prompting. She said he, "had a heart of gold" and was always thoughtful. I'm not sure about 'always', but we're working on it. It's my job as a parent to raise a respectful and well mannered child. Along with Happy and Healthy. We tried to make it more about events: Christmas downtown, making cookies and cards and ornaments, going to the zoo with friends... but DS is still so excited about all the gifts. And we went over-board even though we tried not to. So we talked a lot about Baby Jesus being our gift and he seemed to get that this year. He made a real connection when my sister and I went shopping for a girl who 'wasn't going to have much Christmas this year', whose tag we took from the Christmas tree. He asked questions and remembered it. Next year he''s going to give away some of his toys before Christmas. I didn't make him do it this year because it got jumbled in his mind with "when my baby sister comes" because he knows some of his baby things are put away for her. He said he didn't want to give his toys to his baby sister, that he wanted to keep all of them. So I explained that she will have her own toys, and they can both share. I also told him that he didn't have to share his special toys (like his lovey). I wish hadn't had to tell him. It's so far off and he can't understand. So I didn't try to get him to give away some old toys that he didn't play with. All and all it was a good Christmas. I hope we get some snow to play in- I was sick when we had it for just a few days. DS would like to build a snowman.
There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for momma's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
There the forgotten are
But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine
It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas
As I hang the tinsel on the tree and watch the twinkling lights
I'm warmed by the fire's glow
Outside the children tumble in a wonderland of white,
Make angels in the snow
But half a world away you try your best to fight the tears
And hope that heaven's angels come to carry you here
It's Christmas time again but you're not home
Your family is here and yet you're somewhere else alone
And so tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in his arms
And tell you from my heart I wish you Merry Christmas
Christmas is a time to celebrate the holy child
And we celebrate his perfect gift of love
He came to earth to give his life
And prepare a place for us
So we could have a home with him above
It's Christmas time again and now you're home
Your family is here so you will never be alone
So tonight before you go to sleep, I'll hold you in my arms
And I'll tell you from my heart, I wish you Merry Christmas
THIRD DAY
My Sister gave me this song last year, and it made me sad
but I told myself she'd be here this year. Now we don't know. We
don't know when. Will we have another Christmas without her? Two
more? Three more? We don't know if she's been born and she waits. We
just don't know.
DH
and DS went out to lunch and to the computer store while I finished up
all that we need to send to USCIS to extend our approval to adopt from
China. We have to wait for some papers to send to our Social Worker
and then for her to finish our Home Study update. But I have done all
I can do right now. I needed to do something.
Tonight we
will take DS to the local Zoo for their special Christmas displays:
Lights, music, animals and warm pretzels with another family we really
like. He's tickled pink. Every year I want to give him "The Best
Christmas Ever!" Not the most presents, not even all the presents he
wants (too many)- but the experience of Christmas with his family ever
year. That means Mama has to be in the moment. And Mama can't be sad
or stressed out, because he wouldn't understand it. Please, if you are
reading this, pray for our family.
I just finished reading CHINA GHOSTS: My Daughter's Journey to America. My Passage to Fatherhood by Jeff Gammage and I love it. I passed it over to my Dear Husband's bedside table with instructions to start it because I'm sure there were more holds on it and I couldn't renew it. It's a library book. We can't afford my book addiction. I had to say that I liked how he presented both sides of the problem. He didn't do the subtle China bashing that some parents do. He talked about his anger at the situation, but still fairly gave the political points as well as noting the positive actions of the people who try to work within the system for the good of the children. I feel this too as we wait.
I think about kids everywhere who need homes now, not just the daughter who will come from China. I feel differently after undertaking this process, after jumping countless hoops and being forced to think long and hard about the other side of each adoptive landscape. My feelings have changed. When I first worked with Aid For Orphans, before Ukraine IA shut down, I just wanted to go and adopt because all of the kids need homes, I couldn't think about their long term issues. When we knew adoption was how we would need to grow our family, if we were going to, I turned away from domestic because I was afraid of the unknowns. Now I realize our child from China could have the same issues and more. And now the problem of never being able to help her track her birth parents, if she needs to when she's older, seems daunting. I am more comfortable with the problems we may face from any adoption, and more open to different options. We chose China because of the health and age of the children, and because since we are not likely to do it again, because we were likely to be given a daughter. It is still the best fir for us. But since reading the personal stories of adult children who were adopted, I no longer think not knowing the birth mom is a positive. I was scared to death of having to give up a child I loved and raised. I know that Legal Risk adoption would not be a good option for us, as the chance here is 1 in 5 that our baby would go back to his/her birthparents. I can't live with that uncertainty. My heart is too fragile in this area, at this time. Our DS simply wouldn't understand such a loss. And we still want to preserve birth order. It would be best for our family if the next child is younger than our DS and gets to be "the baby" for bonding. (DS doesn't realize yet that he will be jealous- he just thinks about having a playmate at his beck and call. Ha.)
So I have been thinking about what we can do, if we are not acceptable to China. I am trying to be positive, but at the same time I want another child so badly. I need to reassure myself that it is still possible. This was our shot at International Adoption. We simply don't have the funds to start over somewhere else. Maybe we could in a few years, if we still want to go the IA route. One of our reasons for International Adoption was that more kids in other countries have basic needs like food, medicine, warmth. Kids in foster care may not be getting all of their emotional or developmental needs met, but they are fed, sheltered and schooled. Terrible to make a comparison. But we are thinking we have one shot at this and we wanted to the best for everyone. I think it's more likely we would work with a Domestic Adoption via Children's Services, now. Neither one of us wants to be in a position to sell ourselves to prospective Birth Mothers. When our child grows up and asks why their birth mother didn't keep them, I don't want to have had anything to do with it, Who knows if these women, who found themselves pregnant, will be sure in their hearts that they can't raise the child. Who knows if someone they talked to made it sound like a good idea, but they will forever regret it. We can't ever truly know another's mind. I can't be party to that.
This is both awful and reassuring for me, this re-examination of options for our family. But China is still the best fit. Their program is solidly legal, the children relatively healthy and we would not be taking a child from it's birth parents. Please pray for us that we make it through the review room without questions and are accepted. This is a very difficult time for me. I have huge stupid guilt related to the fact that the brunt of both the drive and inability to have more kids comes form me. DH seems serene in his belief we will meet our child in China.
Department One is what the CCAA calls the Review room where Dossiers are accepted or rejected. The Registration Department receives our application, Department One reviews it. Department Two matches children to families.
I knew it was getting close. Now it's official: the China Center for Adoption Affairs has updated their website to show October 2006 LID's are out of the review room, so now we Novembers are officially in. That means they are checking our file to see if we can adopt from China. It's possible that the reviewer who works with our agency is ahead. We could actually be out of review and not know it, until all reviewers are done with the month. That's the sort of positive thinking I should be doing. We have a large agency, so who knows. I want to say that if we are rejected, I don't want to know until after Christmas. But I won't say that. I am praying constantly that God will help us though this excruciating process. I am knocking on his door, like the persistent neighbor, asking for what I want: to make it out of the review room with NO questions. And I can't keep from adding, if there be questions, help us though them that we may meet our little girl. Please pray for us.
Well my nephew is having problems and was re-tested for his food allergies. He now has high Corn and Soy scores, and a low wheat. Wheat was a one, so his mom still lets him have it, but not much. That's very hard. Especially for a kid who loves bread and cookies. For us this means if both the boys can have a cookie, we make them without Milk, Egg, Soy, Cornstarch, Powdered sugar or corn syrup. The sugar may be a corn source, no way to know. Again he will only get one or two, and probably not together, but it's still nice to have a treat. I need to work out how much sugar I can replace with honey and the overall effect on the wet ingredients. I had to wing it this time. I still used the recipe but made spontaneous substitutions, and just noted what I did in case they turned out well. They did, so I am posting. It was like going on a trip, you still need a map even if you choose an alternate route. I had to learn how to cook, not long ago. I still need the map. Here's what I did this time:
3/4 cup rice milk
1 teaspoon cider vinegar
1 cup white sugar
1 teaspoon salt
3+ cups of flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/3 cup Canola oil
1/3 cup lard (don't have a cow)
1/3 cup honey
1 teaspoon vanilla
Mix vinegar and Rice Milk and set aside ina small bowl or cup
Put scant 3 cups of flour and rest of dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix well.
Mix oils, honey and vanilla on low with a hand mixer. Then cream it into dry ingredients with your (clean) hands until the mix looks pebbly. Add the soured Rice milk and mix on low with a hand mixer just until combined. Add additional flour until the dough comes away from the bowl. It will still be a bit sticky. Knead with hands as you add the flour. Refrigerate for 1-2 hrs. Roll it out on a well-floured surface to about ¼ inch thickness and cut
with cookie cutters. Gently lift up shapes and place them on parchment
or wax paper on a cookie sheet. (Trim paper edges smaller than pan so
they don’t smoke as much or just use parchment paper instead) Bake at 410 degrees (F) until edges of cookies begin
firm (7 minutes or less). Watch them closely so they don't burn. Remove from cookie sheet and cool on a clean
towel or rack. Frost/Decorate when completely cooled.
I want to take out more white sugar, add more honey and less Rice milk and lard. But I haven't worked it out yet. I'll keep you posted. I also read a dairy free frosting/topping that someone made just using just mashed banana and coaco powder. I'd like to see if my nephew would like that. It's sweet without adding sugar, but I could put a little honey in it, too. My son can't eat uncooked honey (makes all around his mouth bright red so I don't trust it) probably because of his regualr pollen allergies. He's been fine with it cooked though. But he doesn't like chocolate flavored stuff anyway. Let me know KC, if you think he'd like the banana-chocolate frosting. I'll do it next time. I am also gonna try adding coaco powder for some chocolate cookies for us deprived choco lovers. yum!
