Well today my boy was sick again and it was sad. He hates having to throw up. I know no one likes it. But it's kinda scary for him. Maybe it's just his age. Or maybe he takes after me. I hate throwing up so much that I just won't drink much alcohol, not even in my college years. Frankly I don't like loosing control at all, but I really hate throwing up. So does DS, it seems. He only has one other incident of flu under his belt and he remembered it, talked about it, for a long time. He had complained of tummy upset of the other sort yesterday morning, but was fine after, and this morning I sent him to school. He was really tired when he came home and didn't eat much lunch (a red flag for him) so I made him take a nap. He got up, had his tummy went south again, and he went downstairs, had some water and puked up lunch from three hours before. He's been whiny for two days, complaining about a 'boo boo' -which he almost never does. I wondered to myself if he got my cold, but he acted normally right up to lunch time. I thought I fed him too many beans in the previous days. (We like beans in our house :) That and we are always wondering if his food was compromised. no matter how careful we are. You can't really be 100% safe. There's always a risk.
I hate when my boy is sick. I hate to see him scared. And I hate when I can't fix it for him. I'm afraid I missed it because I was thinking about myself. I have a lump again. I am irritated at this new doc because he insisted on re-checking me so many times but didn't remove the problem. Half our family's insurance money for the year went down the drain and we had to pay. My old doc watched for a while, and then removed/drained & biopsied them. The first time it happened I was in my twenties in Rookie School, already the most stressful time in my life (up to then) without a medical issue. I though I was going to be maimed and/or die a long painful death. I was a newlywed. I was terrified. Now I've been through it a few times. But the doc I liked left the field. Who can blame her. The new one seems most concerned about making his money via extra mammograms and ultrasounds. And our shitty insurance doesn't have anyone else closer than a 2hr drive. So I have nixed the caffeine all together. Cold turkey to Hell. And I am not eating any soy or flax just in case. But I think it's just my high estrogen. I am going to go to my GP doc next month and talk to her about it. For a few days there, with the cold and the sore boobs I felt like I did when I was pregnant. That was really upsetting. Hopefully it'll go away on it's own. I am only giving it two months. I think it's the same problem as all the other times. So I was distracted: sick with my own cold, then found a lump, then in caffeine withdrawal and my baby got sick.
I feel like I should have kept him home for the last two days while this played out; even though he didn't have a fever or any symptoms this morning. But I had a feeling and I didn't follow through, partly because I know people think I'm the crazy mom. I know people are going to think we're overprotective anyway because we are so careful with the food allergy stuff. Maybe I am. I took him to my plant club meet and let him stay upstairs while I went down to the fish room with the adults for a few minutes and I was struggling with myself to be cool and let him be out of sight briefly. Hard to be a parent sometimes. I want to make it all better. We had a bad day. I feel like I dropped the ball in selfishness. I just never want my son to look back and feel like I didn't pay attention to him. I don't want him to feel like I didn't put his needs first. I want him to always know how much we love him.
This is a "rumor" site that tracks referrals. Things are slowing even further. And no one will be surprised if they come to a stop at Olympics time. My agency doesn't like this site. They want to give their clients any info that goes out. They are also still saying wait time is 24 months, and saying that to families already signed on. RQ reports 27 months. Maybe my agency says 24 months because they haven't had a referral batch in two months (?), and RQ is saying the next batch will have waited 27 months. But they don't like RQ from the sound of it.
Well I finished the last of the Vorkosigan stories by Louis McMaster Bujold. In the afterword of one of the omnibus novels, she tells that was a Biology major in college. Her science and medico lines rang true. I enjoyed her set almost as much as Anne McCaffrey's- and that's high praise. Not surprised toread on the same omnibus, a cover quote by Ms. McCafrey regarding Ms. Bujold, "Boy, Can she write!" Yes. Boy, oh boy.
From there I went to a loaned Diana Gabaldon book, of the Outlander series. Now that's a meaty book. I read fairly fast, so I want a book of substance. Ms. Gabaldon provides such, and well. I really enjoyed this book, and have already requested another from the library. I plan to read the series. It was richly detailed and exciting, right up my alley. I have to say some of it was hard to read; disturbing. I didn't care for the scene where Claire has a night visitor at Jocasta's wedding. But I couldn't put it down. I will also say that her science is something learned in research for particular scenes, not a part of her vocational life. Probably something only those of us vocational interested would notice. My sister thinks it doesn't matter at all as long as the story is good. She thinks I'm too picky about medical details on TV shows. It's probably true. It bugs me in Hollywood because "Experts" are paid a ridiculous amount of money to assist script writers. And because most TV is crap. I still notice it in books, but it's not so distracting. When I'm involved in a great story full of textures and nuance, it's just something I notice. It doesn't pull me away from the story in a good book, like it does on a TV show. And so I was fully entrenched in Ms. Gabaldon's world. I've been missing sleep again, up late reading.
Been a little upset at the rate of referrals coming in from China, or not coming in as it were. A good book is a mini vacation. So I have been reading, working on my tanks and just starting to get some stuff ready for the garden. The lawn is proving to be as big of a chore as it was last year. We've almost as much dandelion growth as grass, thanks to the vacant lots. I should upload a pic of the construction next door to show the lack of topsoil. I just can't believe it. The dirt is pure gray clay and limestone rock. No brown or black at all. All we grow is weeds. We have to put soil down for everything we plant. We really need to rip up the lawn, clear all the rocks, put down topsoil and reseed or sod it. It's a huge job. We have neither time for it nor mad money to pay a landscaper. Which irritates me every time I look at it. On my first house I put down tons of dirt by hand with my own shovel, to fix the yard. And almost as many truckloads of mulch. Paying someone to do it would just burn my butt. For now we are just band-aiding it.
At any rate, I've plenty to keep me busy. As if that boy weren't enough. For so long I thought we would get to a point where life would settle into some predictable peace. We had an unusual amount of excitement all together, for a while. But I've come to the realization that it probably never does. At least not while you have kids in the house. My life just hasn't been boring since I met DH. Love you honey. And I love that boy. I'm a fortunate woman.
MIL is well. Thank you for any prayers.
Maybe you are reading to hear about our family and the adoption; Those of you are bored with the Natural Planted Tank Talk. I need it to occupy my mind: it's something new to learn about. A sufficient distraction. And sometimes I need to not think about the adoption process. It's been so long. And we have no way to predict it, and no good news anywhere on the horizon. In fact, we can't really see a horizon. It's more like a tunnel at this point, and we've no idea where we are in the tunnel. We are just in the dark. It's tough. Some days I think I want to have another baby the old fashioned way. I line up the risks and think I want to do it anyway. But it always comes back to the food allergy. I could take the chance for myself. But not for my son. I have to be able to take care of him. And how could we bring another child into the world with this problem? Thats always the end of musing. It's the issue that is never resolved. One of us is impatient that it be now. Yeah, me. But it can't be. And the path we chose turned out to be longer than anyone could have guessed. So why are we still on it? We can't afford to do this again, or to start over somewhere else. So that is it. We are still waiting. It'll happen when it's supposed to happen, God willing.
I have been working to consolidate my tanks and fight algae. At first I thought the hair algae had stopped spreading in the 20, but it's still growing. I think it must be slower now, however. The author of the definitive NPT text, Diana Walstad moderates the APC forum and replied to my algae thread with some more advice. I did have too much light with the CFL's in my 10 gallon, about 4 times what I needed. I have been pretty frustrated trying to find a bulb solution, so I am looking to remove the hood and go with a clamp-on lamp like I did on the 20 gallon. Stupid hoods. I do have more evaporation in our dry house, so I will probably get a glass or plexi top if/when I get a big tank. The author also suggests a heater to take the temp up to 78-80. I only have one heater, but I put it in the 10 with the shrimp, because that's where the algae is the worst. I also want to see if the shrimp will breed more at a warmer temp. If the plants make a big improvement, I'll go ahead and get another heater. I'd need two for a 75 gallon tank anyway. Rather, two heaters is recommended. Redundancy. It keeps the temp more constant in a big tank to have a heater at each end. Also, if one goes out, less chance of loosing all the fish before you notice it. The one I have isn't big enough to heat a whole 75 tank, anyway, but this means that I can get a smaller one and spend less since I'll have the coverage of both in a larger tank.
Re. consolidating. I told DH that I would have fewer tanks when I got a larger one. But when my friend gave me the 20, I kept the 10 set up and both my Nanos because I was able to get lots of plants at the plant club meeting. (Yeah!) Well, I have just broken down the Nanos. I originally put a Beta in each tank, 10 & 20. This put a Beta in with the Red Cherry Shrimp. Not good for increasing their numbers. Tonight I re-homed my red Betta, Gordon. He is now back in his own planted Nano at my sister's house. I hate to say it but both Betas seemed happier having their own home, even though it was smaller. Not sure if this was because they lived that way for so long, or just that they prefer to have their own territory. I was pleasantly surprised that they went without a fight. The one I would have thought more aggressive, was actually cowed by the Dwarf Gouramis. Odd. The one who lived for a while with a ghost shrimp seemed stood up to them, but peaceably so far. He just didn't let them push him away. He flared once, but no nipping so far. I'll remove him back to the 10 if there's a problem. I wouldn't have believed it was possible, but I have seen them at the store, and other people keep one Betta ina community. Ms Walstad had a note that she kept a male & female pair in a community tank. I'd be interested in getting a mate for him if he adjusts well.
My DH just came in with news that his mom may be ill. Please say a prayer for her.
I forgot my password and can't access my email account for several days while I wait for it to reset. What a hassle! If you need me, call the house. Sorry.
